Writers-Block-A-Thon #3

[badatapologies]

Periodically, noted American minx mcbrennan answers pertinent, cutting edge questions from the befuddled hive mind, helping to cut through the fog of 21st century living and tell it like it is. Also, sometimes she writes about herself in the third person.



Is there a topic you can't stop writing about in your journal? Why do you write about it so much?

I originally started this journal to write clever, detached, supersmart, superjaded things that would endear me to the public at large, leading to book deals and screenplay deals and tattoos and TV appearances and eventually changing my name to "Diablo". But when I got here I did what every other 15 year old girl does, I started whining about my life to all my friends. And totally ruined everything. And when I'm not comfortable writing about my life, I don't write about anything. And that is so lame. So yes. Self loathing. Jonas Brothers ruuuuulz!!1! Next question.

Do you have any odd nervous habits?

Whining about my life in my blog. Not sleeping until the sun comes up.

If you could be God for a day, what three things would be at the top of your to-do list?

Well, I'd screw it up. I mean, the system almost has to be exactly as it is, right? Because if you could do something like eliminate suffering or disease or death, if you could make life into some kind of a utopia and have it all still work, a reasonable god would have done that already, right? So anything I did would be creating some alternate kind of system, where people, beings, whatever, were free to imagine or create or revisit whatever kind of life would make them happiest.

I should do that, actually.

What creature would your ideal electronic pet resemble? Would it resemble any? What would it look like?

I wouldn't want an electronic pet. But I'll tell you what I would want: Twiki from "Buck Rogers". Preferably with special Dr. Theopolis neckwear. Because there's no situation that can't be improved by a stylish robot factotum that talks like Mel Blanc and a smiley-faced electronic pendant-slash-superbrain.

Do you miss anyone right now? What past experiences with this person, or these persons, make it easy for you to miss them?

"Do I miss anybody right now". Yeesh. Let me see, am I breathing? Then yes. Yes I do. I miss my grandmothers, who raised me and actually cared if I lived or died. And I miss my father, though he didn't and mostly didn't. I miss my ex-spouse, because even though our romantic relationship was never going to work, our friendship was something I really valued. I miss my pets, especially Bart. And I miss my friends (and, erm, friends) from high school who mostly bailed on me after the whole gender thing turned out to be real and not some clever Bowie-esque pose. Missing people is something I do too well.

If you could make your own reality show, what would it be about and who would be on it?

Who gets to edit it? If I get the edit, then that reality show would be about me and how incredibly freaking interesting I am. You know, like that Anna Nicole show, that worked out really well for her. Otherwise it's a ten-week documentary called "John McCain, Adult Baby".

Is there a story behind your real name or avatar? How did you end up being called that?

I'm still a little squeamish about the word "avatar". Invest in a dictionary, young people. An avatar is the physical incarnation of God almighty. What you've got there is some dumbass gif of InuYasha.

I don't really have a "real" name, honestly. I've never laid eyes on my original birth certificate and only one living person knows what it said (and it ain't me). I've seen a later version, on which I was given the name of some friend of my uncle (who was seven at the time) and the name of one of my various stepfathers. I eventually took the first and middle names of the heroine of J. M. Barrie's Peter Pan--Wendy Moira. Then that evolved into the current legal name by a vague series of events involving a considerable helping of alcohol and a brief but passionate obsession with the Pogues' Rum, Sodomy and The Lash. I was 22, what can I say. I soon learned that not only was there an Irish singer with my exact first and last name, but also there was a published author with my middle and last name, so I was stuck using the initials, and that's why I'm "M. C. Brennan" to the great unwashed. Although Brennan's not my legal last name anymore because I was married for several years. Frankly I'm about ready to chuck the whole thing and come up with a new name, professionally anyway. Something catchy, like "Balthazar Methuzelah" or "Euphenia Alice Huffenstance." Er, perhaps I should open the floor to suggestions.

If you had to immigrate from your current home, where in the world would you choose to go?

I'm sure I'd go to one of the more advanced European democracies. Someplace with universal health coverage. Someplace where they know the difference between "immigrate" and "emigrate". My people are mostly Celtic types--Welsh, Irish, Scots--so maybe I'd head that way. There's lovely Canada, too, but then again, I have to tell you I'm not big on snow. I really prefer a nice moderate-to-warm climate. South of France? I don't know. It's a bit conservative down there but I'd think about Australia or New Zealand, they have warm beaches and good bands. Again, I'm open to suggestions.

What happened to you today?

Not much. It rained. I did laundry and worked on a short screenplay.

What do you want written on your gravestone and why?

"Do not open until Christmas"
"Objects in grave may be closer than they appear"
"$1500 for obstructed view seats?"
"Maybe I should have challenged him to checkers."
"Where be my gibes now? Seriously, send down some gibes, I'm starving."
"Screw you, 21 and 24."
"This is a good place for a Stick-Up."
"Laugh while you can, monkey boy."
"Well, at least I'm not next to Andy Dick."
"I'm worth more if you leave me in the original packaging."
"Oh, duck. I get it."
"Jeez, rough crowd."
"I suppose there'll be taxes next."
"Wow, I'm finally starting to look like Calista Flockheart."
"Don't tell Bush but I think there's oil down here."
"Well, I'm stuck. Anybody got any ideas?"
"That one monologue from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern seems particularly appropriate right about now."
"Huh. A quarter."
"Okay, who's the joker who stole my shoes?"
"Aw shit, I left the oven on."
"Never wear a red shirt to a Star Trek convention."
"Do I smell brains?"

Comments

[wasabi-poptart.livejournal.com]

hey, have you seen this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wbonT9EoXA

pretty stunning

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

Wow. Definitely stunning, and very cool. Thanks for sharing that.

[uncacreamy.livejournal.com]

That was lovely! Thank you!

[ikkeikke.livejournal.com]

Ha ha ha, did you see how high Bowie's heels were in the side view? I love him to death, but he is wee. (I am godzilla, so, that might skew things...)

[fj.livejournal.com]

Can I republish the answer to question 1 with attribution?

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

Sure, absolutely. :)

[uncacreamy.livejournal.com]

Heads. Heads. Heads. Heads. Heads. Heads. Heads.


Heads.



Sadly, I think I need to re-purchase that play. So many of my plays from college are in the uncertain land of 'storage'.
I think I'm going to imitate you and do this too.

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

One of these days I will actually be able to write again and won't need to rely on the LJ writer's block questions...but for now they're helpful.

Almost everything I own is in storage and I pray I'll see it all again intact. But yeah, every home needs some Tom Stoppard. :)

[chaptal.livejournal.com]

If you like a moderate to warm climate, the UK is not the place to go :)

Thank you, global warming

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

Just wait. Another five, six years and it'll be like Greece up there. And that's when I make my move. :)

[also-huey.livejournal.com]

I think you're on to something here.

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

Bidi-bidi-bidi-yeaaaaah, boyeeeeee!!!

I'm not sure which one of these guys I would want in my apartment while I was sleeping, though.

[revme.livejournal.com]

... OK, I had to look up both of the Brennans. Because at first I got confused and thought that you were saying that Brennan was a completely made up name or something (even though I know it's not) and your real last name was O'Riordan, which, while cool, didn't seem to make much sense. And I dunno, as cool as Cait O'Riordan is, it seems a little weird to like, name yourself after her, particularly professionally, since you'd end up having the same problem that made you an MC, despite not busting a whole heck of a lot of phat rhymes.

Also, the concept of people bailing for silly reasons like that makes me sad and annoys me.

Once again back is the incredible rhyme animal....

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

No, actually Brennan is a completely made up last name. But I have no idea what last name was in the birth certificate, and for many years I had the last name of an abusive stepfather who I never even saw after age 6, so that really had to go, and I wanted a fresh start free of various family baggage, so... but yeah, now I'm thinking I need a better one free of annoying internet/media coincidences.

See, these are fascinating areas your kittysneezes readers are just dying to know about.

To be fair, I don't actually know why people bailed, because they mostly didn't ever overtly say, and maybe I'm assuming incorrectly. Perhaps the gender thing made no difference at all and they merely bailed because I'm a horrible human being. Or have hellacious B. O.... I should really work on that hellacious B. O. thing.

Re: Once again back is the incredible rhyme animal....

[revme.livejournal.com]

Oh, I thought "Brennan" was your dad's last name. Perhaps I am wrong! And, in fact, I probably am! Being wrong is what I do best!

Hm -- maybe it was because you punched them over and over? I've got it on good authority that people don't like being punched over and over regardless of the gender of the puncher.

You should go with some completely and utterly madeup name that's like Python where it's just a bunch of random words strung together.

Re: Once again back is the incredible rhyme animal....

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

Nope! But my parents never married and I have no idea what crazy thing my mom put down on the original birth certificate. Long since destroyed and replaced by an amended duplicate fraud in a massive governmental conspiracy to save people like me from the horrible shame of being born out-of-holy-wedlock.

It was. It was because when I have a bit of the tequila I turn into Punchy McSluggo, human punchy machine. Also, I secretly replaced their fine kidneys with Folger's Crystals to see if anyone could tell the difference. Turns out they could.

I think everybody should rename themselves at key stages of their lives. Anyone who thinks they're the same person at 40 that they were at 20 is kidding themselves. Why not make it a rite of passage?

I'm thinking of choosing random syllables from other words. Sort of a mashup. Either that or something supervillainy but also bigshot-Hollywood-weasely, like McG. Or maybe something from "Ulysses". Keeps the Irish thing, keeps the perverse humor, adds some much needed pretention. We'll see.

Re: Once again back is the incredible rhyme animal....

[revme.livejournal.com]

Oh, well then! I have no idea why I thought that, then! Maybe I just secretly thought your dad was Walter Brennan. Even though I knew he was a musician, but then again, Walter Brennan did put out some records, so... hm...

Man, no one should ever want to be like McG in any sense. Even just his being human should make people think twice about being people.

Whatever you choose, you should have the Mc, just because that equals hilarity. Particularly if you were M.C. Mc[foobar].

Then you could properly and accurately proclaim your love of Fruity Pebbles.

Re: Once again back is the incredible rhyme animal....

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

M. C. McFoobar it is. Sounds like a Krofft character. Which I think is fitting. Come to my wacky island, everybody, and bring your magic talking flute!

Yes. Yes, my father was the man who sang "Old Shep". My mother was Eileen Brennan who you may recall from "Private Benjamin". Richard Benjamin was a popular 1970s actor, which is really kind of an unrelated point.

Believe me, if I could get out of being a people I would totally do it.

I actually do love Fruity Pebbles.

[modpixie.livejournal.com]

for the love of emitt rhodes, stop comparing yourself to that hack diablo cody. it is, as they say on the playlist, not a good look. she's just some shallow chick who happened to get lucky. your work is much deeper, richer, and more interesting. better.

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

That's why I like it, it's a comparison I might actually win. If you factor out fame, wealth, regular employment, sex appeal, critical acclaim, etc.

I didn't say universal critical acclaim, you understand. But I bet she has more than $177.50 in the bank.

Emmit Rhodes sounds pretty good right now, actually. *runs to the iTunes*...

[modpixie.livejournal.com]

the first emmit rhodes album (on tape) mysteriously showed up in one of my dad's cars one day. we used to listen to it while we watched planes take off at the local municipal airport. seriously! we'd get sliders and fries at the local diner, drive over to the airport, and watch planes take off. with "fresh as a daisy" in the background.

i miss my dad. and i only have the emitt rhodes album on vinyl.

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

I used to watch planes take off, too. At a little airport not two miles from where I'm sitting. But I didn't have any Emmit Rhodes at the time. Mostly Don McLean, Buddy Holly, that kind of thing. Late nights in the desert, watching Cessnas come in for a landing.

I think I may have a rip of that album on one of these computers. I'll look around.

[modpixie.livejournal.com]

while utterly wonderful, buddy holly is not the kind of music you want to listen to while you're watching cessnas land. (unless you have a morbid streak a mile wide.)

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

Apparently I do! But you know, I never thought of it. Weird.

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm glad you think so and I really hope you're right.

She did get lucky but to be fair, she also has talent, she understands what readers/audiences want and she's worked hard (admittedly in ways I would never consider.) I think she has that missing piece I lack--she's a shrewd businessperson and a clever self-marketer, and she's personally appealing to many people, whereas I have the sex appeal and personability of a large sack of damp oats.

[modpixie.livejournal.com]

i wouldn't argue about the shrewd businessperson aspect of her ability, or understanding what audiences want, but after sitting through juno i have a hard time swallowing that she has talent. unless you count her talent as "separating people from their money". (is juno better than the miracle at morgan's creek? then again, preston sturges was not merely talented.)

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

Well, no, she's no Preston Sturges. But--putting aside the excesses of the dialog, the questionable political messages and the statistical improbability of the story, the plot hangs together well, gets where it's going in a timely manner and delivers the payoff it promises. Most movies can't say that. It's not exactly concealing a spectacular depth, I don't think it constitutes great art, but it might be a better film--by the pragmaitic realities of current filmmaking--than I'll ever make. The kind of movies and stories I like--complicated, multilayered, unpredictable stories full of complex characters and thick cultural and literary allusions and weird freeform beats and situations that don't always produce easy answers or pat endings--went out of style sometime around the time Hal Ashby choked on a ham sandwich. I might be better off writing novels nobody reads instead of screenplays nobody films.