White sidewall tires and old golfballs...

[badatapologies]

I also note the passing of the original Mr. Clean, House Peters Jr, a journeyman character heavy in westerns and sci-fi serials of the 40s, 50s and 60s, and son of the silent film actor. Peters gets short shrift at wikipedia, but Mr. Clean's entry is a ripping good read, with a bizarre stream-of-consciousness timeline that is written, as the Wikipedia editors like to say, in an in-universe style. Some highlights:

"In the winter of 1963 Mr. Clean played a police officer "Grimefighter" who really arrested dirt problems...In April 1965 Mr. Clean got mad at dirt and appeared as "New, Mean Mr. Clean." In the spring of 1966 Mr. Clean played "two-fisted" grime fighter, who knocked out dirt with one hand and left the shine with the other. In spring 1966 Mr. Clean...grew whiskers for brute strength, had a black eye to show floor "shiner" and testified in court against dirt. In Spring 1968 Mr. Clean was a "Changed Man" and was reformulated to include pine aroma and better cleaning "in the bucket." In the summer of 1974 "Two Fisted Mr. Clean" was introduced, who was great at cleaning on one hand and on the other hand he leaves what's shiny gleaming."

Yes. And in 1991 Mr. Clean was found slumped over the wheel of his Lexus in Newport Beach, smelling faintly of astroglide and ham, a loaded revolver and a baggie containing a gram of "magic eraser" on the passenger seat. Mr. Clean told authorities that dirt had "set him up" and that this time he would "get that son of a bitch once and for all."

No, no. I can't prove that happened. But dirt had better have one hell of an alibi for the night of Mr. Peters' death. Did you know that in Europe, Mr. Clean is known as "Mr. Proper"? Because Europeans took one look at that package and said "how can we make this gayer?" Why not just go all the way and call it "Mr. Fastidious, Extremely Handsome Bachelor Who Wears One Earring And A Tank Top, Lives In A Loft, Works Out A Lot, Likes House Music, Has Numerous Male Friends And Bakes A Heavenly Tiramisu"?

Typography issues, I'm guessing. In Mexico he's known as Don Limpio, which, I mean, write your own joke there.

Comments

[chaptal.livejournal.com]

You write so well, you make Mr. Clean seem dirty.

He's a dirty, dirty boy

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

Somewhere on the internet I bet there's Mr. Clean/Mr. Proper slash fiction. PLEASE don't show it to me. :)

Re: He's a dirty, dirty boy

[laminator-x.livejournal.com]

MrC-Brawny -The tale of two big strong men with a big dirty job to tackle...

Re: He's a dirty, dirty boy

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

Well, at least we know which one will be cleaning up the wet spot.

[also-huey.livejournal.com]

In Mexico he's known as Don Limpio, which, I mean, write your own joke there.

So, I'm awake far too early, because somebody had to get their CPR recertified and somehow this means that I need to have a house full of dogs AND be awake at 7:15AM, and after I'm done making and eating the sausages and the coffee and of course don't have a cigarette because I have absolutely quit and there aren't a few left hidden in the garage Just In Case Of Emergency (like, frexample, having a house full of dogs AND being awake at 7:15AM) the NEXT thing I do is reload the LJs and see what the overnight people are saying.

So the first thing I see is... -Don Limpio. I mean, write your own joke here. And I smile, and click 'open in new tab' on the comment link, and scroll down.

And the next notable thing I see is an itemized list of all of the turds in the giant shit sandwich bailout bill.

...if you're interested, the Puerto Rican film industry provision is on page 298 of the massive 400-plus page bill, which the senators approved Wednesday evening to Save Americans.

"The exemption from excise tax for certain wooden arrows designed for use by children," provision occurs shortly after that.

So, I just wanted to drop you a little comment to let you know that you really brightened my day.

...for about a minute and a half.

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

Hey, I'm just glad I got you the minute and a half. I'll make a conscious effort to try and improve the comedy-to-doom ratio and get this bailout thing behind us. It'd help if Toucan Sam would shank a guy or something.

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

Also--I actually read that nightmare of a bill, front to back, and I still didn't realize that those film credits were specifically for Puerto Rican film production. Perhaps this should rightly be dubbed the Rosie Perez Employment Act of 2008.

[zurcherart.livejournal.com]

My only direct experience with Mr. Clean in Europe is in the German the speaking part of Switzerland. I always thought that equating "Clean" with "Proper" was just so very ... German. If not Swiss German :-)

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

From what I hear, he's 30% more efficient in that area of Europe, but for some reason insists on remaining strictly neutral on the dirt question.

[hungariangypsy.livejournal.com]

My old boss reminded me of Mr. Clean. You probably saw him at the Ani Difranco concert. Tall, blue shirt, bald. Looked kind of like Mr. Clean would if he had joined the Secret Service and let himself go just a wee bit. Even had the one earring. Although, there were times when he reminded me of Shrek, too, so...