Rookie Mistakes (part 11,721 in a seies)

[badatapologies]

Ah, a nice sunny summer day. So warm. Nice hammock in the backyard, calling my name.

So warm. So deliciously warm. Liberated from the nasty-ass Bay Area foggy misery at last! I'm so tired of being covered up. And this babydoll t-shirt tan is embarrassing. The fence is high, no one can see over. Dare I-- dare I sunbathe topless?

I do. I dare. Yes. Ah, the sun. So warm. So very warm on my translucent Morticia-Addams-esque skin. Sunbathing topless! Lookit me, I am a fancy European whore! So decadent. So relaxed. So very...sleeeepy. So sleepy. So warm and sleepy. So.... zzzzzzzzzzzz....

90 minutes later...

So very sunburned. Youch! Damn you, European whores! Anyone got any cocoa butter or aloe or Noxema or whatever you're supposed to do with sunburned...skin?

Also please send Jude Law to apply same. Thanks.

Comments

[chaptal.livejournal.com]

Caitie, did you burn your nipples again?

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

Hey, at least this time the toaster oven wasn't involved.

[aila76.livejournal.com]

See there's the pitfall of loving heat when you've got the pale skin. Although if Jude Law is willing to drop by to treat my burns I'll probably get out the lawn chair...

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, he never showed. I'm now holding out for John Hodgman from "The Daily Show" and the Mac ads. Failing that...well, I guess the nerd on "Head Of The Class", maybe?

Yeah, the sun...that was not my best idea, nope. :)

[toddalcott.livejournal.com]

Coulda been worse -- in La'Aventura a European whore goes sunbathing and vanishes altogether. On top of that, no one really cares she's gone. Oops, spoiler alert.

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

The only thing that vanished without a trace today was my dignity. I shall now conduct a halfhearted search for it, get distracted and forget about it.

Crispy Critters, a good wholesome bunch

[shoombala.livejournal.com]

not a lot of sugar but lots of ka-runch!
Sorry, couldn't help myself.

Yikes! To look on the bright side, at least you weren't sunbathing bottomless.

Unfortunately, due to Jude Law's very full schedule and my tight budget, I've been able to procure his services for your aloe application needs. Pete Postlethwaite is available though, and his hourly rate is rather reasonable. Will he do?

Re: Crispy Critters, a good wholesome bunch

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

Jude Law's very full something and my tight something else were involved in the scenario I had sketched out. Ah well. Can't win 'em all.

And who said I wasn't sunbathing bottomless? I just know better than to admit that on LJ. Ha.

Sure, send him along, I could use a good thwaite postling.

[fj.livejournal.com]

As a European SLut, I could have told you we bloody use sunscreen or, more common, we try to have the sunburn over with in the first three days so we tan beautiful in the next two and a half weeks.

Is Jude Law actually still hot?

[mcbrennan.livejournal.com]

"Is Jude Law actually still hot?"

Well, his hotness is debatable, but after the unfortunate nanny incident and his flaccid box-office results of late, I figured I had a legitimate chance of him being available and willing.

I should've done the sunscreen but I was feeling decadent, throwing a challenge down to the gods. Sort of like Icarus. With wax boobs.

I was eager to shed my ghostly pallor, but blotchy tomato is no better. Next time I'll try it the European Slut way...

[mcpino.livejournal.com]

titties 'n' beer
titties 'n' beer
titties 'n' beer
titties 'n' beer
titties 'n' beer